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[nov.. 11., 2006|02:39 am] |
So I don't know what to think...
I just saw mona lisa smile and it really made me feel contemplative. I just hate broken, bad marriages, they make me feel sick.
I just hate to think that my marriage could be that broken or meaningless.
I also felt like why am I going to school if what I really want to do is have a family I felt like julia's character. she really did want to marry eric from the 70's show but she could have gone to yale law.
Is it wrong of me to want an education thinking that it may have nothing to do with my career or the rest of my life.
And we were just talking about the verse in Ephesians 4:
20 But you have not so learned Christ, 21 if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: 22 that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, 23 and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24 and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.
I really felt that the the phrase "be renewed in the spirit of your mind" has something but not everything to do with mental knowledge.
Perhaps it has something to do with the verse "and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
I do know that I miss my friends (I feel awful for not reading lj anymore or calling or e-mailing but I really love you) and I miss my family a lot (first time home next fri!)and I am too tired so I need to stop myself before I start rolling down the hill of negative thought.
but PS
I think I want to major is astrophysics....bridget you inspired me with your impression of what that meant.
<3 |
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[sept.. 30., 2006|09:18 am] |
life is funny
God is amazing
and every time I am going to come home I get desperate!
Happiness for Michelle's sister and family I wish her all the best.
I think that livejournal is sad if no one uses it anymore...like gaia and deadjournal and yahoo pool. I feel like they are graveyards for our friendships...little pieces left left there when we are gone.
I know i'm being to dramatic.
I still love you all and I hope that you can see all of what God is doing in your lives to shape you and make you even more amazing.
Erin I had a dream that you died....I don't remember everything about it but I remember I was happy because you had written a will. sorry
Oh and Bridget has mirror mask....thanks, sorry I didn't ask first. |
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| back from white lake CC |
[aug.. 19., 2006|09:29 pm] |
SO, I just got back from camp.
A lot of pranking and a lot of unneeded conflict and feel that on the surface it may look like that is all that happened.
But I also leaned that the little things matter. the things I say to people just in passing may make a larger impact that I think.
I learned that I have to plan to grow in Christ. I doesn't just happen. I guess I knew this but I might not have thought of it that way.
I am so thankful because I know that I am slowing being sanctified. That sounds so theological but really it is the most beautiful and encouraging part of salvation.
Salvation happened once and in that moment christians are redeemed and considered righteous before God. and even though it is still impossible for us to be perfect we must strive for perfection. In doing this I am growing in Christ, I am being made pure; I am being sancified. It is a beautiful word. God is amazing and noting is out of his control.
I also can see more clearly that having a boyfriend for me right now would be hurtful and destructive in more ways than one. As much as it would be fun. I don't need it to complicate my life because there are more important things to focus my time and emotions and energy on.
ok well I think I am off to watch star trek and knit or organize stuff...I am still doing laundry. |
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[jūn.. 28., 2006|10:48 am] |
28-2----->Mom's
3-7------>Dad's
8-11-----> Mom's
it doesn't look like camping will happen for me
what about Pirates?
what about a birthday party...week after camping |
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[jūn.. 6., 2006|10:07 am] |
hi
life is good but I already feel like the summer is too short!
I will just have to make the best of it
upon request I am now posting the times of my places of resedence:
(these are the places I am sleeping)
June 7-9----->Dad's
June 10----->Mom's
11-16------>Dad's with sisters all day!!!
17-24----> Block Island
25-27--------> Mom's
28-30------->Dad's
more will come presently.
oh and here are the numbers:
617-876-7301 mom
781-391-2496 dad
781 526 6765 cell |
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| (nav temata) |
[apr.. 27., 2006|07:47 pm] |
italain movie: issac said he will edit it on my computer while he is drunk tonight....he will start around 12 and it is due at 8:30 in the morning we still have to film a lot of it
silmarillion paper: not going to well considering I haven't finished the silamarillion or the other paper I need to read for the topic I picked. oh yeah in my head it is still due tom. because I need to fix it up and have time to re edit it
english paper: 5 pages due next thu. but everything I wrote is awful
holocaust paper: 10 pages due in two weeks but the person who I am doing it with wants all the reasearch today so she can start it
this weekend I have relay for life which is an all night thing from fri to sat.
and I have 3 hour chorale practice and then the concert...sun.
I already have a headach now!
I need to pull an actual all nighter not a go to bed at 1 wake up at 4 not a got to bed at 4 wake up at 7 and real all nighter
I have a meeting in 4 min.
*HUgs*
please pray that I don't have a mental breakdown. |
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[apr.. 21., 2006|11:53 pm] |
| [ | I wish I was |
| | Kilham 112 | ] |
| [ | Garastāvoklis (mood) |
| | not worried anymore | ] |
| [ | Mūzika |
| | niente | ] |
hi
so when she is drunk she talks even more about sex...
and I lost them all
they left from the dance without keys or coats and
I realized that I care too much
I have been depressed because I worry and care about them when they aren't my life.
Realsing my worry to God makes everything fabulous
He can take better care of them than I ever could anyway
but I am still tired
I need to read so much tomorrow....
just read and maybe think of a topic for my paper...
lets see I want to coun't papes
103+18+22+8+34+38+270
(In order of importance)
comes to a grand total of: 493
(This is all for one class to)
ok news of the day:
I miss book stores!
lalalalalalalalalalalalala
I totally just need to be remined of who I really am I feel a whole lot better like I just switched my icon to the red sleeping lady and I felt all cozy and warm and happy |
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| schedule fall '06 |
[apr.. 15., 2006|09:16 pm] |
| [ | Garastāvoklis (mood) |
| |  blah | ] |
Kathryn
Monday:
10:30-11:20 Italian
11:30-12:20 Calculus I
2:00-3:20 Medieval Dream Visions
7:00-9:30 The Universe
Tuesday:
9:00-10:50 Physics I
1:00-1:50 Calculus (lab)
Wednesday:
10:30-11:20 Italian
11:30-12:20 Calculus I
2:00-3:20 Medieval Dream Visions
7:00-9:30 The Universe
Thursday:
9:00-10:50 Physics I
1:00-1:50 Italian (lab)
Friday:
10:30-11:20 Italian
11:30-12:20 Calculus I |
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| sadness and anger...life and laughter |
[apr.. 14., 2006|01:01 pm] |
so I haven't had the time or energy to stop and think about hings... that makes me really sad...
I have to do a skit in italian and have the script written by mon. I got the assignment on mon. and I was too scared to ask people then to be in my group. so I waited an now everyone I know (like know their name or ave ever said hi to them not like know hang out with all the time) is in a group or has done the whole thing already.
I wanted to cry because I felt so small and stupiid.
I really want to post my classes. (will soon I am not at my own computer right now)
Erin's looks really easy compared to mine....wait and see it
I saw the breakfast club yesterday! It was amazing...it makes me miss high school and how were so different but we were friends anyway.
I am in love wih the silmarillion. It is so beautiful.
Things I need to do:
talk to people more
be more informed about the news
have a better system for keeoping track of appointments and schedules
work more(I got $24 this past pay period with work study and $3 last time)
read other books not for school
oh yeah and people who don't know how to have friends really bother me....they don't know what it is to be a friend or keep a friend... they think they don't need friends and that they are just there to give them attention...and they try to manipulate you and use you to get what they want, and they pretend that they are going to kill themselves!
I was explaining that friends just dont insult eachother and not apoligize. and she said, "fine I won't have any friends at school" and hung up on me
I threw my phone at the wall
all the pieces came apart
people are so ridiculous
*ques michelle*
And I want harry Potter Are they really getting rid of fake facebook accounts? because that would almost ruin my life
ok I have to go give a talk to accepted january students in an hour...what to say what to say...
much love I miss you
kathryn |
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| but wait there is more...part 2 |
[marts. 31., 2006|02:16 am] |
So their lives got messed up... we had to go rescue natalia from bad stuff and emily is having guy problems... and the ra had to yell at us for being loud in the quiet dorm.
emily had to say that she was the "area coordinater" for natalia to let us into her room
wow I feel better about my life.
Thank you God!
But after so much talking and ranting about stupid cheating lying guys I still have hw... |
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| (nav temata) |
[marts. 30., 2006|11:58 pm] |
I am cut off from myself...
I left it by the river,
in harvard yard,
in my sisters room at bedtime,
with my dad who is sleeping on the couch,
with grainne and michelle watching fruits basket,
with rachel in her room,
with my friends holding soap bars,
in galants car as she swerves through harvard square,
with kelly and aimee going to chorale when it was a class,
with bridget in the cemetary burning posters,
with erin sitting on a bench when we didn't know our future,
with sarah running medford savings,
I am not going to be able to run...I mean it thought about it and i can't fit practice into my schedule let alone going to meets.
I don't know music and I can't be good at that. I feel so ignorant in my classes. the only thing I have gotten better at is wasting time.
I got paid 2.80 in 2 weeks with my job.
And I don't want to sit and feel bad for myself because I have so many oportunities and nothing is wrong
How can people just drink like the rest of life doesn't matter?
How can people pull off life when they have so much ofther crap wasting their time.
And what is wrong with me because even the things I cara about like Italian I don't put in all that much effort into it.
I wish I could keep up friendships better, I with I were healthier, I wish I could read faster, I wish I had talent, I wish I could focus on school like without friends...
but I don't think I mean that
because when I go driving places in natalia's jaguar I feel amazing...until after.
I need to read Pearl and I have italian hw and I have my paper!!!!!! I need to talk about the style of LOTR: what it is and why Tolkien did it.
ok I guess the moral of the story is don't waste time and I love my friends. |
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| "I can't handel this" |
[marts. 9., 2006|02:58 pm] |
I keep saying I can't handle things...
I normally can deal with stuff so why is that my phrase now?
like I just can't not worry about emily's problems
like for drinking she has to pay 150 dollars and tell her parents because a letter will be sent home.
and she has guy problems.....lots
and I have so much work and I feel like a bum!
I feel that I jusst don't know enough and that my teachers think I am stupid. I try to ignore this feeling but doing that just makes me procrstinate work and not deal with anything because I say I can't deal with this. And I miss my sisters. Kailey was crying on the phone yesterday because she misses me..... "I CAN'T HANDLE THIS"
I am going to my mom's and I hate that I don't want to be there....but I just don't feel like I need to. I saw her last weekend. I talked to her then, we caught up already
I know she doesn't feel that way.
I have so much work over bereak and I feel that I won't be able to really spend time with my sisters I am not going to be able to handel leaving them.
I just won't say it anymore. I won't care I will do my work and finish things and I won't let things bother me. I won't have to deal with things if they don't bother me.
Inside I go |
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| ok...so much to say.... |
[marts. 5., 2006|08:41 pm] |
| [ | Mūzika |
| | (Backround music) | ] |
so on friday:
my roommate got drunk,
but see I have never been around drunk people and she was acting like some of you guys might act normally so I really didn't know how much I had to do to take care of her...
I know now that I would not have let her out of this room
because she went to the dance
and I went too because I had to help her walk and not get hurt and then after about 20 min. she got picked up by campus police
and they questioned me and then when they knew I hadn't had anything they brought us back to the room and asked me to take responsibility for her and I did and I was really glad to
and then the next mrning at like 7 she wakes us and is freaking out and doesn't remember anything....
that was story number 1
story number 2 is that I have a paper and I just can't write it now so I will just go to bed really soon....I have 2 more paragraphs to rewrite and then a conclusion to make. pray for me please if you see this before 11:30 mon morning.
story 3
I walked on the beach today in bare feet and then squished my toes in mud and then washed then off with snow...
it was the best
ok bed... now and up at 4. yeah...........for real
I really miss you guys
luv ya
katerina
oh yeah and my italian prof. e-mails us the hw at 10 this morning when we have class at 8:30 tomorrow!!!!! gah |
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| (nav temata) |
[marts. 4., 2006|01:21 am] |
I want to go home...
(but I didn't finish my paper)
Why do I feel so sick about it?
I don't want to be here
I just want to go home |
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| "The...Identity" |
[febr.. 25., 2006|12:44 am] |
| [ | Garastāvoklis (mood) |
| | chilly, sick, tired | ] |
I put it on for distraction...
they were wasted so fast
it makes me think of her
I miss her.
and it makes me think of him
I don't miss him
........
I miss the part of me I gave up
the part of me that I can't get back
* * *
she completely respected me
she didn't even ask me to
I saw how easy it could have been to go along with it
I am not changing myself to "have fun" |
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| homework |
[febr.. 21., 2006|06:29 pm] |
| [ | Garastāvoklis (mood) |
| | tired and busy and lonely | ] |
| [ | Mūzika |
| | "the hissing breath of the iron steed proclaims his wish..." | ] |
ok I am just thinking through a writing thing where we have to imitate a part of the book... and it is really hard to match it up perfectly with all the different parts like the tone and the style and the response it evokes and the situation that it depicts...plus we have to write an analysis of it and that just makes me think way too much
oh and I am still writing for mr. tallon because my last paper I got a 4/5 but the teacher made the comment that I was putting in to many quotes and I wasn't just developing my arguments deeply. booo I hate now knowing how to write and my non roommate breaths so loudly when she sleeps...gah
repetition of phrase
phrases are all true but they are said to be not real
tone is sad
understanding of truth is subtle
this one I can't make something match up for....booooo
* * *
tone is bitter
sad at the end
forceful statements
creates a personal connection with narrator because of all the me and you
actions of those in power are learned by the oppressed, they do the actions to themselves
so I think I will say that parents of the narrator fought and manipulated and lied
and now they found they kid had left and the spouse had left and you say fine go ahead and leave and then they see me in my family way in the future and I am doing the same things that you did to us. |
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| (nav temata) |
[febr.. 17., 2006|11:14 am] |
so much work... how will I finish it this weekend while I am with friends...gah
read to chapter 5 in Two Towers
read chapter 4 in Shippey's road to middle-earth
Do Italian HW online that hasn't even been asigned yet
read 22 pages for Holocaust and take notes on it
write a paage response on a section of english book
pick a portion of the same to imitate and type it up (It has to be a page long)
gahhhhhhhhhhh
ok much love I just had to write that out so I could visualize it
oh the rain makes me happy |
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| nebbia e meglio della stella scura |
[febr.. 15., 2006|02:08 pm] |
silliness makes me serious...
the more time I have the more I waste
the less I try the easierit gets
the warmer it is the colder I feel.
as I look at the stars I think of the darkness in myself.
I wih I was lost instead
because the fog is better than the dark stars |
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| complex roommates |
[febr.. 13., 2006|10:39 pm] |
| [ | Mūzika |
| | really loud pipes in the basement making me jump | ] |
So.....stories from roommates about the weekend...lots of drinking making out and umm other unnamed sexual activities occuring in a bathroom... but the nice thing is that they know I won't do things like that.
so my roommate(emily) and I kind of invited our firend (natalia)to sleep on our floor because she doesn't like her roommates (they go to bed at different times and they just don't talk to her(natalia))
but I came back from being home for the weekend and it was like the scene from how to loose a guy in 10 days I was in the bathroom and I looked at the door and there was a new bathrobe hanging up
"no"
new stuff in the shower
"no"
new toothbrush...new toothpaste....more face creams and razors...
"NO!"
oh and she had unplugged my alarm clock to plug in her cell phone charger
my third roommate(natalia) is just not cool. I like hanging out with her but i don't like it when she is in my bathroom and when she is sleeping on my floor and playing her music when I want it to be quiet. and she makes my roommate(emily) act so differently. emily is so much more slutty, crude and loud around natalia
oh and another annoying adendem is that I can hear them laughing from my secluded homework spot in the basement...they are so loud and they are in my space....I had just gotten used to actually sharing my room with one person it was working...
I have pacitence
I have pactience
O I do I just also need to rant to someone |
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